paddle board and praises
Last week's post feels like so long ago.
Last week I was so low, feeling so lost and confused and just sad.
This week has been an unrelenting process of trusting, grieving, trusting, resting, and trusting more.
On Monday, we watched a video called "The Anatomy of Trust," by Brene Brown. And while it is speaking more about interpersonal trust in human relationships, I spent the most time deciphering the factors of my trust in God, and my lack thereof.
On Wednesday, I took the advice of my counselor and wrote a letter to Dad. It was her recommendation as a way to really face the reality of grief head-on, and she was right. It was so hard, but so beautiful, so peace-giving. And I didn't do it alone, Kelly was there, just being present and sharing the heartache. I smiled as I went to sleep that night.
On Thursday, when people in passing asked, "Hey, how are you?" I said "Good!" and I really meant it for the first time in months.
On Friday, we left for the student leadership retreat at a beautiful camp on Vancouver Island. In the sessions of worship and teaching together, I found myself again struggling to trust God, to surrender control of people and situations that I want to fix. I couldn't really sing the songs.
On Saturday, during our four hours of free time for activities at the camp, I spent the entire time out on a paddle board on the ocean. People paddled out, paddled back, came and went, but Jesus was there the whole time. We had so much time. And we talked through so much. He brought to mind so many beautiful passages. He reminded me of who I am and who He is. He opened my eyes to the beauty around me. We worked through every emotion running through my heart, until I was lying on the board, asking, "Is there anything else we need to talk about?" and there wasn't. I left the water full of joy and peace, the kind I had experienced a foretaste of on Thursday, but was expanded through my body and soul.
And today, I'm back at Trinity, about to dive into another week, but amazed at what God has done in just the past seven days. Thank you for praying for me; God has been with me both through people and through His Spirit in me. I know there will still be ups and downs, probably still some deep, deep lows and high highs. But God has been answering my prayers to build trust, trusting people and trusting Him.
Praise Him!
Last week I was so low, feeling so lost and confused and just sad.
This week has been an unrelenting process of trusting, grieving, trusting, resting, and trusting more.
On Monday, we watched a video called "The Anatomy of Trust," by Brene Brown. And while it is speaking more about interpersonal trust in human relationships, I spent the most time deciphering the factors of my trust in God, and my lack thereof.
On Wednesday, I took the advice of my counselor and wrote a letter to Dad. It was her recommendation as a way to really face the reality of grief head-on, and she was right. It was so hard, but so beautiful, so peace-giving. And I didn't do it alone, Kelly was there, just being present and sharing the heartache. I smiled as I went to sleep that night.
On Thursday, when people in passing asked, "Hey, how are you?" I said "Good!" and I really meant it for the first time in months.
On Friday, we left for the student leadership retreat at a beautiful camp on Vancouver Island. In the sessions of worship and teaching together, I found myself again struggling to trust God, to surrender control of people and situations that I want to fix. I couldn't really sing the songs.
On Saturday, during our four hours of free time for activities at the camp, I spent the entire time out on a paddle board on the ocean. People paddled out, paddled back, came and went, but Jesus was there the whole time. We had so much time. And we talked through so much. He brought to mind so many beautiful passages. He reminded me of who I am and who He is. He opened my eyes to the beauty around me. We worked through every emotion running through my heart, until I was lying on the board, asking, "Is there anything else we need to talk about?" and there wasn't. I left the water full of joy and peace, the kind I had experienced a foretaste of on Thursday, but was expanded through my body and soul.
And today, I'm back at Trinity, about to dive into another week, but amazed at what God has done in just the past seven days. Thank you for praying for me; God has been with me both through people and through His Spirit in me. I know there will still be ups and downs, probably still some deep, deep lows and high highs. But God has been answering my prayers to build trust, trusting people and trusting Him.
Praise Him!
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| The sunrise this morning at Camp Qwanoes |
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thoughts so far