setting up my space

I have so many books. Linguistics books, Greek lexicons, Hebrew Bibles, feminist scholarship, commentaries, translations, facsimiles, and more. They are windows into my passions, reminders of what excites and motivates me. Even though they’ve been packed away in boxes for years now, they’re there. They’ve been waiting. 

Virginia Wolff said that all a woman needs to be her full and creative self is a room of her own. 

I may not have a room, but I have a whole wall of my own in the office shed Nate and I share, and as it has begun to take shape, I feel the significance that Wolff spoke of as well. 

My life nowadays is full to the brim, mostly with taking care of our children. While I know I could make more time and space for “myself,” I generally just don’t. For the most part, I don’t feel the need; I love our home, I love our children, I love the life we have created. 

But every once in a while, I’m reminded of just how different my life looks now than it did just a few years ago. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the same person who taught a hundred students in China, who learned Greek and Hebrew, who translated Dead Sea Scrolls, who wrote and defended her master’s thesis, who dreamed of earning a PhD. Most days, that version of myself feels so distant, almost dreamlike. Boxed away like the books in the garage, waiting for their time to re-emerge. 

This weekend, we started setting up the office space. It’s mostly temporary, as we eventually will paint the walls and find or build the bookshelves we want. Right now it’s a bit cobbled together with our desks, free furniture, and whatever plants I could find. 

As I opened up those boxes of books, something in my soul exhaled. Taking them and putting them on the shelves, knowing they’ll have their place here for many years to come - it was so settling and exciting. I only have one bookshelf, so there are several boxes of books left to unload, but even so my heart is so happy. 

It’s easy for me to be so invested in our children’s lives that sometimes I forget their lives are not mine. Having my space - with my books, my journals, my dreams - feels so healthy and happy. While I may not get to use it every day, I know it’s there. And if I start to forget myself again, I know where I can go. 

Thank you, Nate, for making my space a reality. ♥️