who is like God?

One night last week, during student leader orientation, we had an open worship and prayer night. I honestly didn't feel like going, and I wasn't sure why, except that I was tired, and other emotions were mixing around unidentified inside me. But I went anyway.

I stayed near the back, curled up on a couch, singing quietly because honestly, I was struggling to shout praises. I so believe our God is worthy of praise, but... I was in a place of lament. Lament for the hope that seems so far away, for perfection that is unachievable, for dreams that won't come true.

I felt like leaving; I thought about all the people I could go to as a refuge, but for one reason after another I didn't go, I stayed on the couch. Michelle, my mentor from my first year at Trinity, was somewhere in the room, and I thought about going to find her for prayer... but I didn't even know what to ask for prayer for. But I knew she knew what was going on in my life. And I knew that we were singing the lyrics, "Earth has no sorrow that heaven can't heal," and it didn't feel very true.

Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw Michelle moving across the room. She was looking around, and I looked away; I didn't want her to feel like she had to come over to me if she was looking for someone else. Then I realized she was looking for me. She came through the people, sat next to me, and without saying a word wrapped her arms around me.

I cried like I'd been waiting to cry for days. And she cried with me.

The song lyrics were singing, "Fall in His arms." And I thought, this is it. This is what it would feel like to be in the arms of Jesus.

He knows what is going on in my heart.

He seeks me out, even when I make excuses that keep me from seeking him.

He doesn't necessarily say anything, it's His presence that speaks the most.

His arms are firm and unrelentingly holding me.

His body shakes with sobs over the brokenness of this world, over the things that were never supposed to happen, over the confusion and chaos.

I thought that Michelle would sit through the song with me and then go find another student to pray with. But she didn't. She stayed song after song, until the service was over, and even longer still.

And later that night, I thought of how appropriate it is that Michelle's name comes from the Hebrew that means "Who is like God?" She showed me yet another taste of what He is like.

I'm learning to let God love me through people, and this was so tangible and physical and real and flesh and bone.

Thank you, Father, for bringing me into your family, and for giving me brothers and sisters who are like You.