nagging thoughts

I wrote this a few weeks ago in a hard day when I was trying to really identify and let out everything rather than keeping it on the inside. I'm doing better now. And I simply share this in the hopes that those who relate will feel less alone.





Oh God, 







Why do we all feel alone?

Surrounded by people, recipients of love and care, and it never seems to fully disprove the nagging loneliness, the feeling that no one else is really there. Even though you are with us, you said;

Why do we all feel alone? 










Why does trust take so long to build? 

I give everyone an out, never assuming I can depend, never assuming they want me. Every instinct is to protect;

Why don't I trust?










Why are the lies far more proven than the "truth"?

They say don't live in fear, I tell myself don't live in fear, but the fear became reality and I'm living in it. All assurances are shattered. Anyone can be lost;

Why don't you disprove the lies? 










We will never be whole here.









Oh. 









But we will be whole there. 







Oh! 









Hope. Hope doesn't play with odds; the lies attack hope and fall without penetrating it. 


Hope says that my fears might be true. But it also says that they might not be. 


Hope says I don't have to figure it all out; just keep living again tomorrow. 


Hope says this stuff is terrible and so not what I wanted, but wait. There may be something worth waiting for.