i give you control

I am learning so much. 

Too often lately it has felt like I'm getting nowhere, alone on my knees in my room, trying to hard to hear God that all I hear are my own thoughts pounding louder and louder. 

So much of life lately has felt like a desert. Dry and endless. 

I asked a friend just a couple of days ago, "Please pray that I continue seeking and finding God, true God, not manufacturing any experience of God on my own to try to cover for him." Sometimes it feels like all my logic, doctrine, theology, and knowledge turns into a giant tug-of-war in my head as I try to fashion it all into a God-catcher. 

But again and again I hear and feel Him urging me to just let go. Surrender. Cease striving. Trust. Hand over control. 

I randomly decided to find some new music this week (which is so incredibly rare that my "new music" is probably the old stuff by now). I searched one of my favorite artists, Tenth Avenue North, and listened to this song because the title is "Control," and I thought Gee, I bet there's a message I should hear. I was right. Listen. 

This is the song writer talking about the message behind his song; please hear his words! They can change our lives. 

As of tonight, I am reinvigorated. God blew me away at church tonight with His love. He reminded me just how in control He is, just how much He wants me, so much more than I ever dare dream! And I am not reinvigorated to "try harder," to be better, to do better, to do more. No. I want to lose all the backwards pride I have placed in my own striving. I want to hand over control. I want to live in the reality that I am wanted by the King of Heaven because... He loves me. 


He loves you. Not in relation to your usefulness, your virtue, or your goodness. In fact, the people through whom Jesus demonstrated His glory on earth were the most broken of all. Oh how He does not need us, but He wants us! Give Him control!