keep asking

Jesus and his disciples went to Jericho. And as they were leaving, they were followed by a large crowd. A blind beggar by the name of Bartimaeus son of Timaeus was sitting beside the road. When he heard that it was Jesus from Nazareth, he shouted, “Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me!” Many people told the man to stop, but he shouted even louder, “Son of David, have pity on me!” Jesus stopped and said, “Call him over!” They called out to the blind man and said, “Don’t be afraid! Come on! He is calling for you.” The man threw off his coat as he jumped up and ran to Jesus. Jesus asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” The blind man answered, “Master, I want to see!” Jesus told him, “You may go. Your eyes are healed because of your faith.” Right away the man could see, and he went down the road with Jesus.

Mark 10:46-52 

I spend my Sunday evenings in Portland gathering with Bridgetown church. At each gathering, it is common practice for us to offer prayer to whoever needs it. Those who want to be prayed over just come and kneel at the front, and others who are equipped and eager to pray come and pray with them. Often, one of the leaders will begin the time of prayer by sharing some things or topics or people that the Spirit may have been speaking about as the team prayed before the gathering. For example, they may have had a collective feeling that God wanted to set people free from addiction tonight, or someone may have had a sense that there is a woman who is going through a divorce and feels unworthy of God's love - they just ask those people to come receive prayer!




For the several years in which I've gathered with this church, I've had neck pain from a whiplash injury that just won't go away. I believe God can heal - oh I believe. I've even been healed for a few hours - but that's another story for another time. Through having this chronic neck pain, I've pursued understanding of God's healing power. I've read books, listened to podcasts, asked questions, and studied the stories in the Bible. I've struggled and struggled to understand why He doesn't just heal me on the spot if I know He can, and I know He wants to! I've prayed, and many others have prayed for me, but it continues to hurt all the time. Sometimes I can't hold my head up any more.




I knew I could just go to the front of the church to ask for prayer, but I kept holding back. Sure, it's strangely nerve-racking to go against the crowd by leaving the pew, walking down the aisle, and kneeling at the front. There are so many excuses I can make to keep myself from going for prayer. And besides, I thought, I'll just wait and see if they ever have a sense from the Spirit that it's me who needs prayer, the one with the neck pain. I know I should just go.... but I'll just wait.




Luckily God is more faithful to me than I am to Him. And early last summer, sure enough, the leader said that a member of the prayer team had felt that there was someone with neck pain, someone who had specifically held back, someone who was holding on to control. Shucks. I knew it was me. I went and knelt, and a girl came to pray for me. As I told her why I came, she had a huge smile and said that she was the one who had felt that urge from God earlier that evening. So we prayed for healing, and prayed for a lot of other things too, things I hadn't even thought I should pray through. We prayed through forgiveness, surrender, and faith. I walked away still not feeling better, but feeling known and remembered by God.




This summer, my neck pain is still there. And every week, they say something about, "If you need healing for anything, please come and let us pray for you." And every single week I try to talk my way out of it. "It'll be awkward when you're not healed." "You'd have to push past the person between you and the aisle." "People might worry about you." "The prayer team might notice that you just keep coming back." "It's not as bad today as last week." "There are probably other people who need the prayer team's attention more than me." "God could heal me right here if He wanted to." "I'll just ask someone to pray for me on the drive home." "You can't just ask for it every single time." "If God wanted to heal you He would have done it already." "Just be content with where you're at." "Don't go."



But then I hear another voice in my mind asking, "Would Jesus ever tell you to stop asking for healing?" "Remember those people who prayed for years upon years and how you admired their persistence?" "If you can't even go ask for prayer on a neck that is really hurting you, how can you expect others to come?" "What is holding you back?"And... then I go.



I've gone to the front to ask for prayer over my neck every week this summer... and it has been hard. It is awkward to keep walking away not healed. It is frustrating to not know why He hasn't healed. But as the summer progresses, I've begun to see that though I may not be healed, He is so very active. He is healing me, just not how I thought.



First of all, I am learning to obey. For years and years I have asked Him to give me faith and courage to boldly obey Him, to follow His voice and His call no matter what the cost to me. Each week, He is training me over and over again to obey His call to ask. To set aside my doubts and fears and insecurities and just obey - full understanding is not necessary.



Second, I am being poured into. I thought I was just going to ask for my neck to be healed, but every single time we end up praying for far more than that. Sometimes the person praying for me feels God speaking to them, prompting them to pray for things in my life and heart that only God could have told them. Sometimes the person asks questions, and I share more ways I need God's love and power, and we pray. Every time, I sit open-handed, simply receiving from God, while a brother or sister or two fights for me, brings me before the Father, and speaks His love over me. If God had healed me the first time I asked, it would have been awesome. But, I would never have had the blessing of being prayed over every week for so much more than a physical pain.



And... I'm actually getting a bit better! Last summer I was in so much pain that I would need to ask for massages quite regularly, and sometimes just lay down with my head supported. This summer, that kind of pain has almost never occurred. Nothing is different - I work the same job, sleep with the same pillow, wear the same shoes. But something is different - and I can only attribute it to prayer.



Why did I decide to write up this rather unfinished, non-climactic experience? I am so sure that there are so many of us who have stopped asking for what we need. Jesus has never stopped asking, "What do you want me to do for you?" (Mark 10:51). Jesus said, "Ask, and you will receive" (John 16:24).



It's easy to give up, easy to make excuses, easy to assume that God just doesn't want to answer our prayer. It's far more complicated (here is a beautiful analysis of the many reasons our prayers may go unanswered for a while). But if we believe God is in fact a good Father, we have to keep asking. Jesus told his disciples to "keep praying and not give up" (Luke 18:1).



I may not know your circumstance, or what it is that you have needed from God. Maybe you've stopped asking because you feel ashamed to ask again, embarrassed by your lack of faith, or unsure of His love for you.



But this I know: He is calling you. He is looking into your eyes even though you may not see Him, just like with the blind man, and asking, "What do you want me to do for you?"



Tell Him. It may not go how you want or expect - my neck is still not healed after years. But I have learned far more by the asking, the pursuing of God and His love, than I ever imagined whiplash could teach me. And while I would love for Him to heal me right now, I also look forward in joy to what He will do to keep using this evil pain for good.



"Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you" (Matthew 7:7). The Greek verbs "ask," "seek," and "knock" could be more accurately translated in a different, progressive tense: "Keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking."



Are you the blind man on the side of the road begging Jesus for mercy? Knowing He is near but unable to find Him? I am one of the crowd, one who is coming to you right now to say, “Don’t be afraid! Come on! He is calling for you.” Throw off the pride or fear or whatever else is holding you back.



He is calling for you.

Jesus and his disciples went to Jericho. And as they were leaving, they were followed by a large crowd. A blind beggar by the name of Bartimaeus son of Timaeus was sitting beside the road. When he heard that it was Jesus from Nazareth, he shouted, “Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me!” Many people told the man to stop, but he shouted even louder, “Son of David, have pity on me!” Jesus stopped and said, “Call him over!” They called out to the blind man and said, “Don’t be afraid! Come on! He is calling for you.” The man threw off his coat as he jumped up and ran to Jesus. Jesus asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” The blind man answered, “Master, I want to see!” Jesus told him, “You may go. Your eyes are healed because of your faith.” Right away the man could see, and he went down the road with Jesus.

Mark 10:46-52