oh wild soul

In learning to know and understand myself, there are definitely twists and turns in the journey. As a bit of a perfectionist, when I find something I don’t understand about my own feelings, reactions, or mood, I can get very frustrated with myself. I’m learning to be gentle, gentle with myself, and stop jumping to the shoulds and should-nots rather than simply listening to what my inner voice is trying to say. Sometimes it’s saying something beautiful, and that is what I tasted this week, documented in this poem. 

Taking a deep breath brought a wave of emotion, a threatening wall of tears I couldn’t label with reasons.

I grabbed for paper
to write out my feelings 
and hope to find explanations 
for the turmoil. 

But in the moments 
of opening my journal
and clicking open my pen, 
a bird flew by 
that made me smile;
I heard the thrush 
of woodland creatures;
I watched the tender movements
of the breeze
and sighed a sigh
of deep contentment
and peace. 

And I laughed at myself. 

Oh soul,
what a strange and beautiful place you are. 
How utterly mysterious 
that a place can feel 
so unknown,
so undiscovered,
so foreign, 
and yet that place is me
and none other than me. 

I am learning;
but still most often
oh soul
you feel like a vast ocean 
stormy one moment, calm the next,
or a wild animal 
unpredictable but fascinating 
or perhaps most often like a child
crying one moment, laughing the next
and struggling to communicate 
where it came from.  

In those moments I struggle,
hating the nebulous,
frustrated with uncertainty 
or irrationality 
or weakness.  

But some moments I remember 
I love the ocean 
its depth and force
I love wild animals 
in powerful freedom 
I love children
for their truth and trust.

And so, my soul
keep being
as I learn to love you 
in all your moments. 
You are a masterpiece, 
my soul;
may I open my eyes wider 
to see you more.