the process, pt. two

I’m still processing so much from the last few weeks, maybe months, or even years. Today I woke up in Dayton, Ohio to the knowledge that one street away from me 10 people had just died in a mass shooting, and dozens injured. The day has been a blur, and this was written over a few hours. 

maybe God is silent because he’s sad.

or maybe he’s silent because he’s not there. 

maybe none of this is supposed to happen.

or maybe there’s no rhyme or reason at all.

maybe he’s with us.

or maybe he’s not. 

maybe I’m too small to understand.

or maybe there’s nothing to understand. 

maybe the kingdom is slowly growing.

or maybe it’s just a comforting idea.

maybe it will all make sense one day.

maybe all the pieces will come together.

or maybe they won’t. 

are we all just wandering aimlessly

looking for beauty to outweigh tragedy

trying to do less harm than good 

with no ultimate purpose

with no ultimate anything 

with no ultimate