why am i so angry?
I still feel a bit in a daze from the past two weeks. The aftermath of the death of George Floyd has taken a surprising toll on me, and for most of it I haven't been able to put a finger on why.
Yes, I am horrified by what has happened to the black men and women who have lost their lives in the last few weeks, and that has weighed on me. I have spoken out, and that has weighed on me. I have listened to the many, many stories black people are sharing to help us understand modern racism, and those have weighed on me. I am stunned by the violence police are showing to many peaceful protestors, and that is weighing on me.
But horrifying things have happened before, they happen often. And I have spoken out many times. And I have spent much of my life digging into injustice. The weight I'm feeling right now isn't just from those things.
It is more than a weight, it's like a combination of thick fog and whiplash. I have been struggling to get out of bed, struggling to focus on work, struggling to socialize, struggling to get through the days. I assumed it was because I was sad about the brokenness of the world. But I started to notice more and more that it wasn't sadness I kept feeling. It was anger.
That makes sense, everyone is angry right now, right? I'm angry at racist and violent police officers and white supremacists, right? Sure, I am. But not to that extent. This has never been my issue. While I am grateful to be learning my place in a systemically racist culture, this issue has never been one of those things that gets stuck in my gut and won't go away. In all this I've never felt like it's somehow my new life calling. For some people this issue is their ultimate and their life-long focus, and we need that, but it hasn't been for me. So what am I so angry at, then?
I started noticing what made me angry, really angry. I was surprised. It wasn't Derek Chauvin. It wasn't police brutality. It wasn't looting.
It was Christians.
Christians who didn't say anything when Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, or George Floyd died, but who were immediately and publicly outraged by looting in Minneapolis.
Christians who denied that racism is a problem the church should address.
Christians who three weeks ago were defying government mandates against congregating in churches due to covid-19 - many protesting these closures at state capitols - but who suddenly condemn anyone who doesn't listen to and respect law enforcement.
Christians who share all about officers kneeling with protesters but never share that those same officers attacked the crowd minutes later.
Christians who claim the Bible doesn't make a strong enough case for activism against racism, or at least not strong enough for them to say or do anything.
Christians who now claim these "thugs" are destroying our dear country that was founded on law and order, denying that this country came from violent, anti-authoritarian protests for the cause of equal treatment under law.
Christians who only purport a Jesus who loves and does nothing, but seem to forget the Jesus who started a riot in the Temple, who verbally insulted the religious authorities, and who was killed by the reigning government.
Christians who continue to actively support a President who has trampled on any semblance of what Jesus would say, do, or value.
Christians who stand by a man who tear-gassed and shot rubber bullets into a crowd of peaceful protesters to clear a path for a photo-op at a church he doesn't go to, holding a book that wasn't his.
I am seething.
I am so deeply angry because I still call myself a Christian. I still love that teacher from Nazareth. And I feel my gut being torn apart when I see the name of Christ affiliated with movements and persons who are so clearly dedicated to their own causes and countries before the sacrifice of their own good for the sake of the oppressed.
No wonder so many leave. No wonder so many young Christians become so appalled by the actions of their churches and leaders that they cannot stay. I don't blame them.
I don't know if this is a "righteous anger" and I'm not going to claim it is. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to hate. I want to believe that the way forward is love. But I am so tired of seeing love defined by and in favor of those who have the most to lose.
May I not be a hypocrite.
May I listen hard before I speak.
May I live with humility over fear and offense.
May I set down hatred and take up compassion.
Help me.
Yes, I am horrified by what has happened to the black men and women who have lost their lives in the last few weeks, and that has weighed on me. I have spoken out, and that has weighed on me. I have listened to the many, many stories black people are sharing to help us understand modern racism, and those have weighed on me. I am stunned by the violence police are showing to many peaceful protestors, and that is weighing on me.
But horrifying things have happened before, they happen often. And I have spoken out many times. And I have spent much of my life digging into injustice. The weight I'm feeling right now isn't just from those things.
It is more than a weight, it's like a combination of thick fog and whiplash. I have been struggling to get out of bed, struggling to focus on work, struggling to socialize, struggling to get through the days. I assumed it was because I was sad about the brokenness of the world. But I started to notice more and more that it wasn't sadness I kept feeling. It was anger.
That makes sense, everyone is angry right now, right? I'm angry at racist and violent police officers and white supremacists, right? Sure, I am. But not to that extent. This has never been my issue. While I am grateful to be learning my place in a systemically racist culture, this issue has never been one of those things that gets stuck in my gut and won't go away. In all this I've never felt like it's somehow my new life calling. For some people this issue is their ultimate and their life-long focus, and we need that, but it hasn't been for me. So what am I so angry at, then?
I started noticing what made me angry, really angry. I was surprised. It wasn't Derek Chauvin. It wasn't police brutality. It wasn't looting.
It was Christians.
Christians who didn't say anything when Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, or George Floyd died, but who were immediately and publicly outraged by looting in Minneapolis.
Christians who denied that racism is a problem the church should address.
Christians who three weeks ago were defying government mandates against congregating in churches due to covid-19 - many protesting these closures at state capitols - but who suddenly condemn anyone who doesn't listen to and respect law enforcement.
Christians who share all about officers kneeling with protesters but never share that those same officers attacked the crowd minutes later.
Christians who claim the Bible doesn't make a strong enough case for activism against racism, or at least not strong enough for them to say or do anything.
Christians who now claim these "thugs" are destroying our dear country that was founded on law and order, denying that this country came from violent, anti-authoritarian protests for the cause of equal treatment under law.
Christians who only purport a Jesus who loves and does nothing, but seem to forget the Jesus who started a riot in the Temple, who verbally insulted the religious authorities, and who was killed by the reigning government.
Christians who continue to actively support a President who has trampled on any semblance of what Jesus would say, do, or value.
Christians who stand by a man who tear-gassed and shot rubber bullets into a crowd of peaceful protesters to clear a path for a photo-op at a church he doesn't go to, holding a book that wasn't his.
I am seething.
I am so deeply angry because I still call myself a Christian. I still love that teacher from Nazareth. And I feel my gut being torn apart when I see the name of Christ affiliated with movements and persons who are so clearly dedicated to their own causes and countries before the sacrifice of their own good for the sake of the oppressed.
No wonder so many leave. No wonder so many young Christians become so appalled by the actions of their churches and leaders that they cannot stay. I don't blame them.
I don't know if this is a "righteous anger" and I'm not going to claim it is. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to hate. I want to believe that the way forward is love. But I am so tired of seeing love defined by and in favor of those who have the most to lose.
May I not be a hypocrite.
May I listen hard before I speak.
May I live with humility over fear and offense.
May I set down hatred and take up compassion.
Help me.
Please check your facts. The President of the United States did not do the things you say he did. I think facts matter. Why is it that the gospel is for everyone but President Trump? Why is it that they judge him so harshly, but not other politicians. Forgiveness of sin is for everyone, why can't he grow in Christ? Why have christians decided he cannot know Christ? Why is this one man so hated? He believes in the rulate of law, he wants to protect Americans. He is not always eloquent in his speech, but he is loyal to his country, and he promotes Christian priciples. He brought prayer back into the White House. He wants to preserve the constitution. I have been puzzled by the hate for him from the begining of his announcement to run for office He is flawed by personality traits that we find in people everywhere. If he entered a church in rags, would he be rejected by the so called christans in attendence, they reject him now in a suit and tie because he is not perfect. Who is? I am disappointed in the organized church daily.
ReplyDeleteHi dear Shelby! I’m sad to hear of your anger. Be careful where you receive your news. I was a journalist. Journalists are sinners, biased and 98% are self proclaimed liberals or progressives. Journalists can twist a story by who they interview...and who they do not. Journalists come into a story with a bias. When I was in journalism school we were told to get three or more, hopefully, opposing sources for a story. That’s almost never done anymore. You’ve heard of the cutting room floor? It’s true. Journalists can edit out parts of interviews that do not go along with their narrative. Do you know how many journalists claim to be Evangelical Christians? I believe it’s less than 1%. It’s very difficult for young people to stand against the barrage of liberal thinking in our colleges, media, workplaces or among peers. I’m not surprised that you believe these things but according to the D.O.D. no tear gas or rubber bullets were employed. Did you hear about that on the news? No? Me neither, and the press won’t share that. They absolutely abhor Trump. Did you know that since Roe vs. Wade no President has ever spoken at the Right to Life March except Donald Trump? Did you know that one of the first things Trump did was try to stop sending taxpayer’s money to Planned Parenthood? Did you know that Trump has consistently stood for religious freedom? Did you know that recently he said that prayer should be allowed in schools? Did you know he wants people of all faiths and creeds to be able to send their children to any school they desire with a voucher system? Did you know that he is the first President in modern history that will leave office poorer than when he went in? Did you know he has donated every penny of his presidential salary to various charities? Nope? Yeah, the press has tried to put a lid on that too. I would really be impressed if all these young people rising up and shouting Black Lives Matter were serving food at Union Gospel Mission or Loaves and Fishes. I’d really be impressed if they were volunteering at Boys and Girls Clubs or Awana programs in the inner cities. I would be impressed if they were going into prisons and visiting kids without families... I’d really be impressed if they had the courage to search for the truth and stand alone if need be. Shelby, the media is biased. They are manipulating your generation and very few people have the courage to stand alone.
ReplyDeleteDear Ruth,
DeleteJust a note that I can definitely address personally. Please. Do not make assumptions about the people who are protesting. That is also a media bias.
My two daughters and my son-in-law are three of the "young people rising up and shouting Black Lives Matter". They don't make a lot of money, and are working their way through college. And yet while working and going to school, they take people in, feed them, and try to get help for those in need. They are actually quite impressive. Just like many, MANY other young people who marched.
I was there, as well. I witnessed it. I walked beside black friends, white friends, neighbors, pastors, homeless workers, students, parents, kids, medical staff (who are exhausted from the covid-19 problems, but still walked), a high school newspaper editor, Republicans, Democrats, angry people, sad people, hopeful people, positive people, and yes... folks who work/volunteer at the Union Gospel Mission (it's very active in our city), and folks who work/volunteer at the Boys and Girls club. Are you surprised?
It was a peaceful protest. But there was one group who was making trouble. The police did remove them, for which I am grateful. They were white men, who were threatening marchers, shouting derogatory slurs, and claiming to be Christians. Those of us who have attended protests, are seeing this behavior. I have seen much worse, too.
You might want to attend one of the protests. I think you would find it interesting and enlightening. Pray up before you go, ready to show love, and to listen with your heart and mind. See for yourself. Understand for yourself.
Blessings,
Rachel
Dear Rachel, I agree with you that black lives matter and all the people making trouble matter. So many are protesting but they aren't helping the problem. They are hurting people whether it is intentional or not. Many people had already lost their livelihoods going through the Covid crisis and now to have angry young people throwing bricks through their windows and looting businesses destroyed even more lives. A friend who drives through Portland, Oregon said the night of the first big riot pallets of bricks mysteriously appeared on the streets near where the riots occurred. Any responsible construction business would never leave pallets of bricks out in public. Something nefarious was afoot. We are to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves... There is more to this than passionate young people marching for their hurting friends.
DeleteOne more thought. I didn’t want Trump. I wanted Scott Walker, Ben Carson or Ted Cruz. I cannot vote for the dismemberment of babies so I voted for him. He has surprised me with his stances on Christianity. Some say he’s a baby Christian. I hope and pray so. He can be bombastic and blustery, but what he needs is prayer. Read the Republican and Democratic platforms. You will be shocked. Also, did you know Abraham Lincoln and Republicans fought against slavery. Did you know Republicans voted against segregation and Republicans voted for integration. Check the congressional record! Food for thought. ❤️
ReplyDeleteSo many of these comments did not age well at all
ReplyDelete