what shall I call God?

I prayed a prayer tonight without really realizing it. By the ocean, where maybe I think and feel best. The first I’ve prayed and meant in a long time. I’m at the place of knowing that I may never get an answer. Or that the answer may already be deep inside me. 

I struggle with how to talk about “God” now. I don’t want to call God he, she, or it - they all feel constricting. Other languages might have better things for us; Mandarin has one word for all three: tā. I wonder what they thought of God when they first began to speak of tā. 

And that word itself - God - holds such preconceived notions that it feels too small. Too known. 

All I know - or hope, rather - is that this being is. Underlies everything, conscious or unconscious. Somehow connects us. Somehow is in us. Somehow is us. 

What shall I call this foundation of existence? 

Perhaps simply Being. 

Or perhaps as the Hebrews said it, I AM. 

Oh Being beneath it all

Can you hear me?

Will you teach me 

Who you are?

But even that prayer feels like too many words.