all by yourself

 

 

A few weeks ago I was at the park with my two favorite little boys, 3 & 4 years old. One of them wanted to climb up a piece of the playground equipment that he hadn't done before. He asked for my help and was very scared even as he started. I held him firmly under his armpits, holding him up completely so that even if he did fall he would be just fine. He made it to the top, and I cheered for him. He wanted to do it again. This time I held him safely, but a little less tightly; he made it and I cheered for him. The third time I just placed my hand on his back, doing nothing to support him physically but giving him the peace of mind that I was still there; again I cheered when he made it to the top. And finally, he did it all by himself, and I cheered for him. "Good job! You did it all by yourself!" 

As I laid my hand on his back while he climbed, I wondered if this was like God. I wondered if maybe the idea of God I grew up with was like a solid pair of hands under my armpits, ones I needed to keep me from falling down. As I grew older and grew into myself, maybe God became more like a hand on my back: a comfort just in the security of presence. Now, it feels like I am doing it all by myself, and I thought that was wrong. But maybe that is exactly how it was supposed to end up all along. 

 

 

Maybe God, whoever God is, isn't just gone. Maybe God is that voice deep inside me saying, "Good job! You're doing it all by yourself!"