good reason

A recent article by a large Christian organization claims that people deconstruct because they want to sin. “Students regularly deconstruct when they’ve started sleeping with their girlfriend or boyfriend. Convenient timing,” the author says. 

I hate this accusation because I know people who it has been used against, and who it does not accurately represent. Here’s why people think this, and why it’s wrong.

Many Christians grow up being told the worst sin they could commit is sex outside marriage. Purity culture makes them afraid that one wrong act will send their life spiraling and their eternal life spiraling farther.

They’re taught that they cannot trust anything about themselves, especially their bodies. Women are taught they are borderline-temptresses, and men are taught they are uncontrollable sexual animals.

At some point, a crack begins. Maybe it’s realizing that Jesus doesn’t teach us to hate our bodies. Or that there is no consistent sexual ethic in the Bible. Or that sex isn’t bad. Or that purity is a construct made largely by patriarchy to confine women.

Maybe it’s realizing that purity culture leaves us with many of the same trauma responses as survivors of sexual abuse.

These people deconstruct their views of not just sexuality, but of the legalism that allowed purity culture to exist at all.

Eventually, many of these people choose to engage in sexual activity in a way they feel is honoring to themselves, their partner, and even still honoring to God. If that seems impossible to you, perhaps ask someone who has gone through that journey to share.

The church then sees the sexual activity and uses it as an easy target to discredit the legitimate deconstruction process these people have engaged it.

So do people deconstruct because they just want to sleep with their boyfriend or girlfriend? No.

They deconstruct because they see real problems with the cultural Christianity that taught them to fear themselves, their community, and God.