engaged

We dropped the girls off with the grandparents and headed out to the Columbia River Gorge. The girls knew what we were leaving to do, and they were excited to see the rings on our fingers when we returned. 

Driving out, along the river, a perfectly curated playlist in the background, I just stared at him. This was real. He was real. This was really happening. 

We had it all planned out, simple and sweet. We’d picked a spot on a little island, we’d both written down words to share, and we’d both brought the matching bands we were going to use for our engagement. The weather was perfect, as if it had been in on the planning as well. 

Emotions came to the surface as we drove. Joy and shock that the moment was finally coming. Sorrow that my dad was not here to celebrate with us. Overwhelming feelings of safety and love for the man beside me. 

We reached the parking lot and crossed over to the island on foot. I noticed a small table with a sign and wine glasses, and I wondered aloud whose table it was, not wanting to get in the middle of someone else’s special moment. Until Nate said, “It’s for us.” I couldn’t believe it. Even with planning it all together, he’d managed to surprise me. 

We sat down together on the blanket and cushions we’d brought. There was a photo book he’d prepared recounting our relationship and all the things he loved about me. Our tears flowed freely. Afterward, I read him my letter and asked him to marry me. He said yes, and I slipped the gold band around his finger. Then he read his letter, and asked me to marry him. I said yes. And as he opened the ring box, it revealed not the gold band I’d been expecting, but the beautiful ring I’d chosen to pair with my band but hadn’t expected to arrive for several more weeks. He placed it on my finger. 

It was done. I want to always remember the moments that live only in my memory: looking up into his eyes as I read the words I’d chosen for him, watching him soak in the commitment we were making, holding and embracing each other out of pure joy and happiness, both still shocked that this is truly our life. And it’s just the beginning. 

As we drove back toward home, I watched him again. And it almost felt like I was looking at a different person than the one who’d been there as we drove out an hour earlier. Because now, more than ever, I didn’t just see Nate. I saw Nate past, Nate present, and Nate future. I knew that 30 years from now, we’d still look back in this day as a treasure, but we would marvel at how we hardly knew each other then. I knew now, more certainly than ever before, that I’d get to live every day with him, build a home and family with him, find garage sales and puppies with him, sing and dance with him, cry and laugh with him. 

There is a lot coming that is and will be so hard. There are challenges aplenty already in our lives, and there will be more. But I remember this moment where I realized how lucky I am. Despite everything, I’ll still get to be with him.

“Life is going to be so fun,” I said. And I meant it. I can’t wait to live it.