on the overturning of roe v. wade

I've stayed off social media most of the last few days. I don't want to be part of the hysteria on one side and the naive rejoicing on the other. I haven't even wanted to talk about it with friends. But I can write.

I didn't know Roe v. Wade had been struck down until a family member told me later that morning, tears streaming down her face. "So many mixed emotions," she said. I knew her story, but I asked what it was she was feeling. She paused, then managed, "My life would be so different." 

Mixed emotions. If you had told me five years ago that I would have "mixed emotions" about the abolition of the "right to abortion" in America, I would have scoffed. I think I was still actively part of the pro-life club at my university around then, walking around campus reminding people that lives were being lost every day to this horrible tragedy called abortion. I started a prayer ministry outside abortion clinics eight or nine years ago. When I was fourteen, I dreamed of becoming a Supreme Court Justice so I could help overturn Roe myself. I delivered speeches on the value of life and the negative affects of abortion on women. I attended the pro-life training camp through Oregon Right to Life. 

I still remember all the arguments we learned at that pro-life camp. And, I still agree with them. 

A lot has changed for me in the last five years. I'm loosely Christian, politically progressive most of the time, affirming, etc. My understanding of the complexity around the abortion issue has grown significantly. I've heard more stories of friends who have had abortions, and also witnessed friends choose to keep their unplanned pregnancy. I've held those babies.

I've also become acutely aware of gendered issues around not just abortion, but economics, single parenting, cultural expectations, and more. I've watched friends consider how their lives could be turned upside down, their financial desperation, and their fear of giving their child the struggle of an under-supported life. 

And I've become more and more aware the inconsistencies in the Republican party's positions regarding abortion. It is one thing to require women to have their babies; that value I can understand. But it is deeply hypocritical to make that requirement while not providing the utmost support those women and families need. The Republican party generally opposes free healthcare, higher minimum wage, paid maternity or paternity leave, and increases in most free services. Even more so, the Republican party generally opposes making birth control and contraception as freely available as possible. If "Just don't have sex" is the answer to all of this, then the issue is more about a position on sexuality than about caring for women, children, and families. 

So with the news that Roe v. Wade is gone, I am torn. Somewhat paralyzed with what to think. Yes, I do believe in the inherent value and rights of a person from conception, so I welcome the end of a "right" to abortion. But this is not good enough news. There have not been enough - nearly enough - changes to our systems of support to account for the massive help that millions of women will need if they do not turn to abortion - legal or illegal.

Most women do not want an abortion, but they feel they have no choice. Because they are afraid. Alone. Unable to provide. Financially unstable. Residentially insecure. And until we have provided them with the ability to choose life well, we are not solving the problem. 

The problem isn't abortion, as much as I hate abortion. The problem is that unwanted pregnancies happen to begin with. So let's help. Let's provide abstinence education, but let's also provide contraception. Let's provide free diapers at the PRCs, but let's also provide paid maternity leave and healthcare. Other countries are doing it; I know because people I love have left this country due to the better support elsewhere. 

So why did I write all this? I guess to affirm that, once again, I find myself in the middle ground. It's okay for us to be here. Not all in, not all out. Politics, like life, has no black and white. I used to think abortion was the most black and white issue I could bring up, but it isn't. 

Conservatives, it's time to step up in our states. Voting against abortion cannot be the end of the agenda. Vote for what women and families need to be able to welcome children. Stop to understand the fear most women face when they see those two pink lines. How can we help those women, right then, to feel that they and their child can be okay. Try to understand the absolutely loss of control over our own bodies pregnancy is, planned or unplanned. 

There is so much more to be done here. This decision was not the ultimate victory. Not yet.